He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
