I murdered the dance floor call the cops
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
