worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I believe in your delicious
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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