Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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