He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
