It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
