I'm drive I can fine osifer
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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