almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am available for nakedness
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
