My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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