This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
