: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
