Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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