We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
