Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
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pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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