so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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