I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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