He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
