3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
