she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize