I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
