I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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