I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
