rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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