This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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