Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
