I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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