Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
