butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
