Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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