I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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