is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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