dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
