I'm drive I can fine osifer
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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