Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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