All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
