Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
