i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
