i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
