Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the day after is always just damage control
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
