she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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