There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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