in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
