I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
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Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.