I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Your dad touched me again.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again