Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.