thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
