I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
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Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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