Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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