Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
