You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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