he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
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this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
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I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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