I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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