If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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