Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I faked an abortion last night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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