when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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