She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
