i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
