And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
