Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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