I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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