I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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