That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
