Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think I am morally bankrupt
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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