piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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