so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
