please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
