Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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