Kareoke will never be a sober sport
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
