he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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