note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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