she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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