Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
