I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
