I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
