His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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