Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
