Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you would pick up someone in the library
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
