You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
