i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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